


Slammers

by IcarusTwin



Category: Holby City
Genre: Anger, Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 06:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8152483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcarusTwin/pseuds/IcarusTwin
Summary: A storm is brewing as Fletch deteriorates and the AAU team struggle . Based on Ep 'Say A Little Prayer' and explores the dynamics . Angry and Angsty.





	

Slammers

The tension had been building for days on AAU. Fletch was going backwards and had a serious relapse which looked like a life threatening neuro crisis and the team were really struggling to deal with it.  
Raf was falling apart watching his mate get more and more ill and not be able to do anything to stop it, whilst trying to look after the 4 Fletchlings. The kids were getting stressed and upset about their dad and Mikey was truanting and getting into trouble again and turning up unannounced at the Unit and making a nuisance of himself. Poor kid didn’t know whether he was coming or going and kept taking it out on Serena’s office furniture.

Bernie was trying to help Raf diagnose what the hell was wrong with Fletch and getting nowhere fast – she wasn’t used to the frustration – Trauma surgery was her thing and she was used to just getting in, getting it sorted, and getting out – none of this faffing about with referrals and waiting around for others – “I want this doing now!” became her increasingly irritated bark at anyone who tried to delay action. To be fair to Bernie she was still feeling responsible for what had happened to Fletch when he was stabbed and she was still dealing with all the fallout from that night, and not just what happened during the surgery her and Serena performed, but the aftermath on the theatre floor too .

Serena was desperately trying to keep her head whilst all about her were losing theirs, but even she was starting to get pretty ragged. Hanssen needed yet more formal reports for the Trust Board about the incident and Serena took it on, to try and take the pressure off the others while they struggled to prevent an irreversible collapse in Fletch’s condition.

It didn’t help that there was also a mini heatwave with the hottest day in September for over 50 years and the hospital was at boiling point and everyone was getting hot and bothered by the end of the afternoon.

Bernie had a run in with Raf along the lines of ‘come on get a grip , pull yourself together man, you are no use to Fletch if you start falling apart’ and Raf snapped back about Bernie’s ‘Parade ground pep talks’ not being welcome here . Serena caught the tail end of this and as Bernie and Raf both flounced off in opposite directions she got the fallout “Bernie?” “Not now Serena, I’m trying to save my colleague, it’ll have to wait” as Serena retorted sharply “Stop playing the bloody hero and anyway he’s not just your colleague” down the corridor at the back of Bernie’s stubborn head.

The pressure was also building up outside as the heat and humidity built up into an imminent towering storm. Surprisingly Bernie loved storms and Serena hated them, particularly the vicious streaks of lightning followed by the instantaneous crackbang of overhead thunder. Bernie loved the release of all that electrical energy but it terrified Serena, afraid of being struck whereas Bernie would go and stand outside in the rain and take her chances with the thunderbolts if she could. 

Serena headed for her office and slammed the door shut so hard it shook the walls and a picture fell off and shattered on the floor. “Damn and blast it” she cursed as the tension started to get to her.

Bernie was back in with Fletch as she and Raf struggled to keep Fletch breathing as he became more and more unstable while they waited for Guy Self to descend from Neuro to run more tests. 

“This can’t wait” Raf said getting more panicked as Fletch began to slip away from them and Bernie agreed “Yep, C’mon let’s do it, emergency trach now – c’mon Nurse jump to it!”

Self finally deigned them with his presence and immediately launched into Bernie “what the hell are you doing, I told you to wait for me to come and I would confirm the diagnosis and then decide the course of treatment?” 

“If we had waited for you we would have lost him so we went ahead, we have just about got him stable now” Bernie snapped back at the superior Neurosurgeon.

“This isn’t the battlefield Ms Wolfe, we have our ways of working here” Self retorted, trying to pull rank again. 

“Yes, well if we did things your way in the battlefields, we would lose more good men and women than you’ll ever see” Bernie angrily fired back at him.

Serena caught wind of the exchange and headed toward the side room, where all the heat was emanating from, “Everything Ok here chaps?” she growled as she realised there was a standoff building. “Fine.” Bernie snapped at her “Everything is fine, we have just pulled Fletch back from the brink and got him stable, but apparently we haven’t done it according to Holby rules. What the hell do you people want, do you actually want to save people’s lives here or follow the bloody rules!” She stormed out of the side room and into the unit and turned away towards the door, snapping her gloves off and hurling them into a medical waste bin as she marched out.

Serena looked at Raf and Self, who was looking shocked and slightly smug at the opportunity to score points over his rival Surgeons , “ you need to keep your staff under a tighter rein Ms Campbell , I shall be talking to Hanssen about this “ 

“Oh for God sake Guy, get a grip, enough of all this macho bullshit. And for your information, firstly, Henrik was fully up to speed, and secondly, Ms Wolfe is not ‘my staff’ she is as autonomous as both you and I, and she made the Clinical call she has every right to as Trauma Lead Consultant.” Serena snarled at Self, as he skulked off and ascended back up to Neuro.

Serena and Raf stayed with Fletch and checked the ventilator was working properly. “You ok Raf?” Serena asked him as he watched the rise and fall of his best mate’s chest. “Yes, I am now “he replied quietly. “ You know Bernie was right, if we had waited for Guy Self and not taken a chance, Fletch might be in a coma now. It was the right call.”

“Yes I know Raf, but don’t get too pulled into Bernie’s way of doing things, it worked today but if it didn’t we are going to be held to account” 

“Yeh, but I wasn’t willing to risk losing Fletch for the sake of waiting on Self, we made the diagnosis and were right, don’t be too hard on her, I was pushing her too” 

“Yes, I know Raf. We are all a bit overwrought at the moment, and this heat doesn’t help today, I will go and talk to Bernie “

“Too right, in fact I think we might be heading for a storm soon, Serena” Raf smiled at her.

Bernie was standing in the Peace garden with an unlit fag, she was fuming. Her internal dialogue was an incessant rant and she railed against everything that was wrong with this place, these people.

They wouldn’t last 5 minutes in bloody Afghanistan, that peacock Self, he is such a prick! Bloody pathetic, the lot of them, playing their alpha male politics with their ‘my scalpel’s bigger than your scalpel’ bullshit. Yeah I might be the macho Army medic but I’ve walked the walk and don’t just play it for points. It’s about saving lives, giving them the best chance of survival under real pressure.  
I’d like to see them survive an IED hit, watch colleagues being blown to smithereens, drag their bodies out under fire. 

I give up. I’m not cut out for this soft life. There’s nothing to stay here for anymore, I gave it my best shot, I need to move on, get away from all the politics, all the personalities and the drama, just get back to doing what I do best, Trauma surgery in the field where I can make a bloody difference, This lot, they just can’t deal with it, too bloody scared of their own shadows. 

She caught the eye of a passer-by with a lit fag, “any chance of a light, lost my lighter” The bloke offered his cigarette and she sparked hers from the end , “Thanks” as she took a long satisfying drag and then exhaled hard while the first rumbles of thunder were heard in the distance. 

Serena instinctively knew where to look for Bernie and watched her as she paced and drew hard on the cigarette, looking like thunder. She’d never really seen Bernie angry before so was a little wary of approaching her, she looked like a caged animal snarling at the world outside the bars of her enclosure.

Serena moved into the garden, where only a few months earlier she had been comforted by Bernie when she was overwhelmed by her grief for Arthur.

“Hey, you’ve finally lit it then, things must be bad“ Serena proffered up. 

“Yep. Something like that.” Came a terse reply. 

“Well if it’s any consolation, good call there, Fletch is stable again” 

“Wasn’t my doing, Raf nailed the GBS. I just agreed with him to go straight to treat, Raf’s the hero not me” she replied dispassionately “Go and thank him, I’m sure he will carry on with the Holby ways, none of my Macho Army Medic bullshit to upset the order and hierarchy round here. Got to keep the Board happy.”

“Bernie…?” Serena felt she was under attack as she faced the full onslaught of Bernie’s loose cannon. She was afraid to get any closer to the source of this anger.

Bernie was looking away into the distance, her eyes focusing on something too far away for Serena to see, mountains, heat, dried roads, dust, fire and the ice in her voice made her even more afraid of what was coming.

“Bernie…?” “Gotta go. Sorry.” As she turned on her heel and marched back toward the hospital entrance.

Serena stood for a moment and stared at the back of the woman she now realised she adored headed away, until she was shocked by the first flash of lightning and a loud crack of thunder overhead shook her heart and sent her scuttling back inside before the deluge began.

 

Bernie was stood over Fletch looking at him, “I’m sorry Fletch, this is all my doing. I should have listened to you and maybe this wouldn’t have happened.’ She sighed. “I’ve really screwed everything up here haven’t I? I don’t think I’m cut out for this life, it’s too claustrophobic. You are a good man Fletch. You and Raf have been the good guys. I can’t go on fighting these battles. Not without someone on my side, covering my back. I miss knowing that even under the heaviest of fire someone always had my back and you never left a man down. This lot, they’re too busy covering their own arses to give a damn about anyone else.” she said sadly as the rhythmic suck of the ventilator kept Fletch silent.

Serena stood in the doorway and watched, listening as Bernie gave her speech, managing to pick out most of the words as the anger and hurt mingled to sting her eyes. Bernie had no idea how many times she had covered her back when something hadn’t gone the way she wanted. Serena had put herself on the line for her again and again, in fact less than hour ago standing up to her nemesis Self, who would happily see AAU wiped out if he could gain something from it, and lying about Hanssen’s cognisance. She slipped away, before Bernie turned to walk back to the office heading to her desk where she began to sift the piles of paper looking for her effects.

Serena steeled herself, trying to contain the rage that was building inside her chest and balance it against the fear that was swirling in her stomach, taking a deep breath she opened the door and stepped inside before realising what Bernie was doing. She slammed the door shut behind her, rattling the thin walls and alerting Raf to the impending explosion. Bernie looked up from packing the box on the table and stared impassively at the door.

“What are you doing?” Serena’s voice rose “Were you going to bother to tell me?” 

Bernie blinked. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

“What!” “You can’t do this? Do What? What’s this?” Serena’s voice got higher, thinner, louder.

Bernie looked in her direction, eyes darting everywhere but on her. “I just can’t do this anymore, here, you … us, I just can’t do it”

The weight of Bernie’s words sank into Serena’s heart and settled like lead.

She started shaking her head “No. No. No-o! You don’t mean that. You can’t just walk away like that. Please… Bernie…talk to me”

“I can’t. I’m sorry I just can’t”

Serena moved towards her, beginning to feel panicky, she tried to fix on her face and make eye contact but Bernie was shutting her out. 

“You can’t just kiss me and then walk away; you have to tell me why. Is it … her?” The word stuck in Serena’s throat and made her feel nauseous, she had avoided asking about the woman Bernie had the affair with because she didn’t want to find out that she was still in her heart. 

“No … I don’t know … it’s not about her… Alex.”

Serena rode another wave of nausea as Bernie said the A word. 

She moved in closer to Bernie, almost facing her and put her hand on Bernie’s, “Please don’t go. I don’t want you to go, I want you…” She looked up into Bernie’s face ”I …love you” and she reached in grasped her with both hands and kissed her deeply and unafraid, Bernie flinched and responded but then broke away and shook her head. “No, please stop. I can’t deal with this Serena” 

She turned and rushed toward the door and headed out of the department again.

Serena stood desolate as Raf watched transfixed outside the office. He had always said the two Consultants wouldn’t be able to co-lead and reckoned this must be the big blow-up but as he watched the row unfold he hadn’t expected to see what he had just seen, Serena had walked up to Bernie and kissed her full on the lips and Bernie had stormed out. Raf didn’t quite believe that he had seen what he had seen and was trying to compute it all when Serena walked to the door, locked it and pulled the blinds down firmly. 

She walked back to Bernie’s desk, it was a mess. She picked up a coffee cup and hurled it at the bin and it clattered against the wall as she missed. She shoved the pile of files to the edge of the desk and hurled them across the floor. She picked up Bernie’s diary and threw it across her desk. She then sat down and fell sobbing face first onto the desk, desperately clinging to the last vestiges of Major Berenice Wolfe as her ship slowly went down and sank below the surface, and Serena drowned in her racking sobs.

Half an hour later, Hanssen appeared in the Unit. Raf spotted him, and diverted his attention. “Mr Hanssen.” “Aah Mr Di Lucca. Is Ms Campbell around?” 

“Oh I think she maybe. I will go and look for you” as he quickly headed to the office and peered through the crack in the blinds. Serena was sitting staring at the door, Raf knocked quietly and she got up and walked to the door, opened it a little and looked up at him. “Hanssen is here, he wants to see you” and as he saw the state of her face and the desk he whispered “um you ok, you look…“ “Yes. I’m fine. Perfectly fine.” she snapped at him. “Tell him I will be out in 5 minutes, phone call.”

Five minutes later she appeared, looking slightly more composed but still a little red eyed. “Henrik, I expect Guy Self has…” “No. Ms Campbell, could you come with me please. We have a situation,” as he headed to the lift, she followed him in.

They ascended the five floors to Hanssen’s office in silence, Serena standing awkwardly by his side and him staring at the door. “Is everything ok, Ms Campbell? ’ “Um, yes why shouldn’t it be?” “It’s just that Ms Wolfe…” Serena’s heart sank and plummeted down into the basement as the lift arrived on the fifth floor. The doors opened and as they stepped out Guy Self appeared and tried to divert Hanssen. “Not now Mr Self, Ms Campbell and I have important matters to attend to” and he waved the Neurosurgeon aside.

Hanssen walked ahead, past his office and toward the stairs that led up to the roof. “Follow me, Ms Campbell.” as he headed up the to the fire escape exit, opened it and walked out onto the roof into a deluge of torrential rain. He nodded towards the barriers at the front of the roof where a figure in blue scrubs stood, arms stretched wide against the rails and facing up into the rain. 

“Bernie? Bernie! For God’s sake, Bernie …” and Serena rushed towards her and put an arm around her sodden shoulders “ … come on get in out of the rain, you’re soaking” Bernie turned and followed silently, she was drenched, her hair plastered to her face and she stared numbly at them both, “ I missed the rain in the desert, she tried to explain “ the deserts, missed the rain “ Serena looked at Hanssen, he motioned to a door, by the lift gear room, “In there” as he bundled Bernie in and Serena followed. “ I will leave you to sort this out. Ladies” and he shut the door behind them. 

Bernie stood by the wall and slid down it and sat hunched on the floor, she was soaked to the skin. Serena stood by a latticed window and sat back on the ledge. “Bernie, what on earth were you doing up here, you could have been struck by the lightning? And you are drenched; you will catch your death…” 

“Colds are viral, not rainborne as well you know doctor…” “For God’s sake Bernie, sometimes I just can’t fathom you , you are infuriating …” and she tailed off as she saw how sad and pathetic her dear friend looked at that moment and Serena’s heart broke just a little more if that was clinically possible. Bernie looked up at Serena wishing she could find the words to say what was really bothering her, at that moment she felt as brittle as an icicle melting in the spring sunshine. 

“I’m not the big macho medic you think I am, I’m scared Serena, scared of you, of what’s going on here. I’m afraid that if I let myself feel again I could drown’ 

“What? You are afraid of me? “

“Yes, you can be pretty formidable on full beam. I’m not sure I can handle it, I’m a lying coward remember?” 

Serena looked at the ceiling “I thought we drew a veil…” and she noticed Bernie was shaking, the cold wet clothes. She walked over to her, took off her overshirt and put it around Bernie’s shoulders, rubbing them gently as she tried to reassure her friend that it would be ok. Her blouse was thin, and damp too, but it was more about the gesture and it let her drape an arm around Bernie’s shivering shoulders as she sat down next to her. 

“Bernie, we have to talk about this, we need… I need to talk about this before we end up throwing away…”

“I thought we had, we agreed, it wasn’t a good idea “Bernie protested weakly, “we just keep it in theatre?” 

“Bernie… you know that is crazy, we can’t just ignore this. I can’t pretend there isn’t something more going on here”

“There is? I don’t think there is .We both know that you are a dyed in the wool heterosexual.”

“What? No, you are wrong. Bernie I am in love with you can’t you see?” 

“No, I don’t. You are straight. This is just a crush, an infatuation.” 

“Old enough as I am to know better, I am also old enough to know what I feel. I have fallen in love with you, I don’t know what that makes me, probably a fool, but I do know what I want, and it’s you!”

Bernie shook her head, “No, don’t do this, I can’t … I don’t feel the same way” she said, lying to Serena again. “I can’t love you, I know how this ends. You are just curious, lonely, frustrated, I don’t know maybe you just want to try a woman after …” 

She looked at the floor, she couldn’t believe the words that were falling out of her mouth, they weren’t the words she wanted to say, but she was desperate to keep Serena at bay, and Bernie wanted to make Serena hate her as much as she hated herself right now.

“I’m so sorry.” She got up off the floor, turned and walked out and headed back to the stairs into the hospital, leaving Serena standing dumbstruck and desperately trying to understand what on earth she had done wrong to make Bernie want to walk away from her.

**Author's Note:**

> Written in the aftermath of Say A Little Prayer , inspired by all the tension brewing, a slamming door on the hottest day in September and a massive thunderstorm. The Sapphic Angst really begins here although the ending wouldn't let itself be known.


End file.
